there are certain things that triggers bad memories. causes the heart’s beat to miss a step and fall, head lowered in painful reflection and eyes to tear. sometimes, it’s a song. suddenly, it was there, a ring tone on his phone “especially for you” each time she sang, he got up and left in a trance-like hurry. it was as if a superior power had taken over his body and controlled it. like a well trained dog reacting to it’s masters call.
it’s just that, this was not a dog. this was my husband, my love, my friend, father of my child. sometimes, we would be in the middle of a beautiful meal, with friends, even with family. the phone would ring “especially for you”. my heart would pound. embarrassed when he just up and left. it did not take me long to understand it was her.
the divorce came through and the song still brought me down. ruined my whole day, it caused a giant hurt so heavy i could not move forward. so wide i could not see past it.
enough was enough. a song was absolutely not going to dictate to me. it was time to outstare, outhear (there is no such word, it just got created) outsource redundant giants. and so, each day, i intentionally played “especially for you”. faced it. listened to it. went on long beautiful walks in stunning locations and played it. ate delicious meals with it as background music, until eventually, it just became a song that was played over and over during a fun time. i created my own memories and owned that song instead of having it own me.
it was a very simple lesson for me on the path of educatingrosi. never to run away from things that i can take control of. face the giants head on. develop a strategy that might seem ridiculous to others, (of course it does because it’s not their giant), stand still, take aim.
(the picture translated from german: “the time you lost for your rose, is what makes your rose so important”).